Speaking Without Offense: Learning to Talk Like Jesus Talks
- The Wholy Christian
- 4 days ago
- 6 min read
Most of us don’t wake up planning to get offended or to offend someone else. It usually happens right in the middle of a normal, everyday conversation. Someone says something that lands wrong. A tone feels dismissive. A comment brushes against something personal. At first it’s subtle. You’re still listening, still nodding, but something inside tightens. Before long, you’re no longer really hearing them. You’re preparing your response. Not to understand, but to protect yourself.
That’s usually the moment when the conversation stops being about truth and starts being about self.
Jesus approached moments like this very differently. He never treated conversation as a place to defend His status. He treated it as a place where hearts were exposed and shaped. How we speak, especially when we feel challenged, reveals what we’re actually serving.
Noticing What Happens Inside You First
There’s almost always an internal signal before words come out wrong. You feel it before you say it. Your chest tightens. Your thoughts speed up. You feel the urge to interrupt or correct. That moment matters more than whatever point you’re about to make.
📜 James 1:19–20
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
This isn’t abstract wisdom. It’s painfully practical. Being slow to speak doesn’t mean avoiding truth. It means paying attention to why you’re about to speak. Are you responding because something needs to be said, or reacting because something in you feels threatened?
A real life example shows up in disagreements, especially around faith, politics, or values. Someone challenges your view and immediately your tone sharpens. Your body leans forward. You stop listening. In that moment, even if your words are technically correct, the spirit behind them won’t produce righteousness. Scripture tells us that plainly.
It’s like driving when the road suddenly turns icy. Knowing where you’re going doesn’t matter if you don’t slow down. Speed on slick ground causes damage. Slowing down doesn’t mean you’ve lost direction. It means you care about getting there without wrecking everything along the way.
When Knowledge Quietly Turns Into Superiority
One of the most common ways conversations go wrong is when knowledge turns into hierarchy. We don’t usually intend it, but it happens easily, especially when we feel confident that we’re right.
📜 1 Corinthians 8:1
“Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that ‘all of us possess knowledge.’ This ‘knowledge’ puffs up, but love builds up.”
Paul isn’t saying knowledge is bad. He’s saying knowledge without love inflates the self. It elevates the knower instead of serving the hearer. That’s why someone can speak truth and still leave damage behind.
This connects directly to the very beginning of Scripture.
📜 Genesis 2:16–17
“And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, ‘You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.’”
The issue in Eden was not information. Adam and Eve already walked with God. The issue was autonomy. The desire to possess knowledge apart from trust and obedience. The temptation wasn’t just to know, but to know independently, to elevate self above reliance on God.
📜 Genesis 3:6
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.”
Notice the language. Desired to make one wise. Wisdom detached from submission leads to separation. Knowledge detached from love leads to pride. The parallel is hard to ignore. When knowledge becomes something we wield rather than something we steward, it begins to puff up.
In conversation, this shows up when we correct without care, explain without listening, or teach without humility. It’s the difference between walking alongside someone and talking down to them.
Picture two people on the same trail. One is further ahead and keeps shouting corrections from a distance. The other walks back, matches pace, and points things out gently along the way. Both know the path. Only one builds trust. Truth delivered without love feels like distance, not guidance.
Servants Before Speakers
Jesus framed greatness in a way that should reshape how we talk, not just how we act.
📜 Matthew 20:26–28
“But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Being a servant in conversation means you’re not there to elevate yourself. You’re there to care for the other person. That doesn’t mean avoiding hard topics. It means refusing to treat people as problems to fix or opponents to defeat.
A real life example is correcting someone who’s genuinely mistaken. You can do it publicly to assert superiority, or privately to protect dignity. You can lead with accusation, or with curiosity. One approach serves your ego. The other serves the person.
Jesus consistently chose the second.
Offense Isn’t the Same as Conviction
One of the most important distinctions to learn is the difference between being offended and being convicted. Conviction humbles you and draws you closer to God. Offense hardens you and turns your focus inward.
📜 Proverbs 19:11
“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
Not every comment needs a response. Not every awkward statement needs correcting. Sometimes overlooking is wisdom, not compromise. When your identity is rooted in Christ, you don’t need to defend yourself at every perceived slight.
A practical example is workplace conversation. A coworker makes a comment that feels dismissive. You can carry that offense all day, replay it, sharpen it, and eventually respond with passive aggression. Or you can let it go, recognizing that not every moment requires confrontation. Scripture calls that glory, not weakness.
Anger That Looks Like Jesus Is Rare and Restrained
Scripture allows for righteous anger, but it places strict boundaries on it.
📜 Ephesians 4:26
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”
Jesus expressed anger when God’s character was being distorted and people were being harmed. He didn’t react when His pride was challenged or His authority questioned.
📜 Mark 3:5
“And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’”
Notice that His anger was paired with grief, not ego. Most of our anger looks different. It shows up as sarcasm, sharp tone, or the desire to put someone in their place. That kind of anger doesn’t produce righteousness. Scripture says so plainly.
Self control is not passivity. It’s strength that’s been disciplined.
📜 Galatians 5:22–23
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things there is no law.”
If something can’t be said gently, it’s often because the heart isn’t settled yet.
Holding Truth Without Gripping It
How we hold truth matters just as much as whether we have it.
Some people grip truth tightly, guarding it so fiercely that anyone who comes near feels attacked. Others hold it loosely enough that it’s offered without force. Jesus always held truth with open hands.
📜 John 6:66–67
“After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, ‘Do you want to go away as well?’”
He didn’t chase them with arguments. He didn’t manipulate outcomes. He trusted the Father. Grace filled conversation understands that we are responsible for faithfulness, not control.
Knowing When Silence Is the Right Response
There are moments when silence does more than words ever could.
📜 Proverbs 17:27–28
“Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.”
Jesus stood silent before His accusers.
📜 Matthew 27:12–14
“But when he was accused by the chief priests and elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate said to him, ‘Do you not hear how many things they testify against you?’ But he gave him no answer, not even to a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed.”
Silence in that moment wasn’t weakness. It was trust.
Final Thought
Learning to talk like Jesus isn’t about mastering communication techniques. It’s about heart posture. When you enter conversations as a servant instead of a defender, everything changes. You listen more carefully. You react more slowly. Your words carry weight without force. Even disagreement feels different because respect remains.
Grace doesn’t mean compromising truth. It means trusting God. Knowledge without love still separates, just like it did in the garden. Truth held with humility invites life. Love anchored in truth reflects Christ.
Ask Yourself:
When conversations get tense, what am I protecting first? Do my words reflect trust in God, or a need to defend myself? Am I holding truth with open hands or clenched fists?
Join the Discussion:
Where have you seen humility, restraint, or gentleness completely change the direction of a conversation? What has God taught you about speaking truth without elevating self?
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