The Right Order of Love: Teaching Our Kids Who Comes First
How to model godly priorities that secure your family’s foundation
The Sacred Order of Love: God’s Design for Relationships that Last
The Right Order of Love: Teaching Our Kids Who Comes First
How to model godly priorities that secure your family’s foundation
SERIES:
read state
Updated:
Parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities God entrusts to us — but even in our best efforts, we can unintentionally create disorder in the home. Many well-meaning parents put their children at the center of everything, but Scripture reveals a different design: one that helps our kids feel loved, safe, and secure because their world has the right anchors.
Let’s explore the biblical order of love and how it transforms our parenting, marriages, and households.
God’s Divine Design for Family Love
Parenting is not just about meeting needs or managing schedules — it’s about discipling our children in how love is ordered. And this is the order God reveals in His Word:
God First
Spouse Second
Children Third
Everyone Else (extended family, friends, church, work)
📝 When we get this sequence wrong — when kids come before marriage, or marriage comes before God — the entire family rhythm becomes unstable.
1. God Must Be First — Always
📜 Matthew 6:33
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (ESV)
Our kids need to see that our ultimate love, devotion, and obedience belong to God. This isn’t just about church attendance — it’s about how we live, prioritize, and make decisions every day.
When parents model love for God first, kids learn that their worth isn’t in being the center of attention, but in being loved by a God who is the center of everything.
2. Your Spouse Comes Before Your Kids
📜 Genesis 2:24
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (ESV)
Parenting doesn’t replace marriage — it grows from it. Your marriage is the soil your kids are planted in. If the marriage is unhealthy, the whole garden suffers.
📝 Children need the stability of parents who love and prioritize each other. This teaches them what healthy love looks like — and prepares them for their own future relationships.
When children become the center, they carry pressure they were never designed to bear. But when they see mom and dad united and affectionate, they feel secure.
3. Then the Children
📜 Psalm 127:3-4
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. (ESV)
Yes, children are a blessing — but they are a blessing to steward, not an idol to serve. Our parenting is not about making children our everything, but about preparing them to thrive outside of us, rooted in God’s love and equipped with the example of their parents’ unity.
📝 Remember: your children will eventually leave home — your spouse should remain. Building your marriage models to them that love is more than parental attention — it’s covenantal commitment.
4. Extended Family, Friends, and Work — After
Boundaries are essential. Extended family, friends, and even the church community have their place — but they must never supersede your primary relationships.
📜 Exodus 20:12
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. (ESV)
Honor does not mean obeying parents or in-laws above your spouse, nor letting work commitments encroach on family rhythms. If our kids watch us prioritize our job or social life over family time, they’ll inherit those misplaced priorities.
How Parents Teach This Order to Their Children
Modeling Priorities: Let your kids see you spending time with God — prayer, Bible reading, worship.
Prioritizing Marriage: Go on dates, have private conversations, and nurture affection with your spouse. Don’t hide your love for each other from your kids — let them see it!
Healthy Boundaries: Don’t let grandparents, friends, or bosses dictate your family boundaries. Teach your children that family comes before outside obligations.
Teaching Directly: Explain to your kids why mom and dad prioritize God, each other, then them. This clarity gives them understanding and peace.
📝 Children thrive when they understand the “why” behind your priorities — and when they feel secure in their proper place within the family.
Final Thought
As parents, our greatest legacy isn’t just well-behaved children — it’s children who know the right order of love, because they saw it modeled at home. By putting God first, marriage second, children third, and others after, we give our kids more than love — we give them clarity, security, and a blueprint for their future homes.
Ask Yourself:
Have I unintentionally made my children the center of my family instead of my spouse?
What routines can we implement that show our kids God is first and marriage is next?
Where do we need clearer boundaries with extended family or work commitments?
Join the Discussion:
What challenges have you faced keeping your marriage prioritized while parenting? How have you navigated it?
#TheWholyChristian #TheParentingChristian #ParentingGodsWay #FamilyPriorities #GodFirst #MarriageMatters